10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress without Losing My Edge and Found Self-Help That Actually Works
Your highlights:The ego is your inner narrator, or your sense of "I." It’s the voice that tells you what to do.
To most, the ego is the source of behavior that is self-serving or unconcerned with the well-being of others. To Freud, the ego represents a psychological mechanism that mediates between our morality and our base desires. But these definitions of ego still don’t get to the heart of the matter. We can talk about deep desire or fiery pride, but we still can’t explain what’s going on in our heads when we do strange things like open the fridge without actually being hungry. A better way to think of your ego – and certainly one that offers you the most insight into your behavior – is as the voice in your head.
24 January, 2020 08:31 Share
Your ego comments on your actions and behavior from the moment you open your eyes in the morning until you drift off to sleep at night, telling you what to do and what not to do.
24 January, 2020 08:32 Share
As you’ll see, the ego is responsible for a great deal of what you do. Luckily, taking steps to rein your ego in can make us happier and healthier.
24 January, 2020 08:33 Share
Your ego’s ravenous hunger for more can never be satiated. It will always push you further.
The ego is never satisfied. It will always want, it will never be content and it will never be perfectly happy. By design, the ego will always want more than it already has. When the ego is "fed" a new thing, this simply resets the baseline for desire; and immediately, the ego begins reaching for something more.
24 January, 2020 08:34 Share
It doesn’t matter how many material possessions you have, nor does it matter how much money you’ve spent acquiring them – even if you don’t need it, you still yearn for the newest sports car or that hot new gadget. The best meals are not satisfying, even when prepared by the best chefs. Soon you’ll become hungry and yearn for a meal that is even tastier than the last. In essence, no matter how many times you try to satiate your ego’s desires, your ego will only want more.
24 January, 2020 08:35 Share
The ego loves especially to dwell in the past and thrives on drama by keeping old wounds open. It’s the reason that you complain to your spouse about a work problem at dinner, and it’s what causes you to lament being jilted by your first love at 17, despite being happily married today. Your ego constantly assesses your worth against the appearance, wealth and social status of others, but will always find you failing. No matter how smart, beautiful or wealthy you may be, according to your ego, there’s always someone smarter, more beautiful or wealthier.
24 January, 2020 08:35 Share
No. The ego is never happy. Just think of all the rich, famous or fortunate people who have committed suicide, become addicted to drugs or otherwise ruined their lives.
24 January, 2020 08:37 Share
Control your ego by practicing mindfulness and becoming more compassionate toward others.
Mindfulness is the ability to respond – and not react – to our surroundings as well as our impulses. Meditation increases our mindfulness by instructing us to immerse ourselves fully in the present moment, and not to be overwhelmed with life’s stressors.
24 January, 2020 08:38 Share
Mindfulness doesn’t just improve our decision making; it also changes our biology. A Harvard MRI study observed that people who had taken an eight-week mindfulness course through meditation had developed thicker gray matter in the areas of the brain associated with self-awareness and compassion. Likewise, mindfulness training appeared to shrink the regions in the brain associated with stress. This increase in compassionate behavior, that is, practicing concern for your own well-being and the well-being of others, is not something to be overlooked.
24 January, 2020 08:39 Share
Demonstrating compassion toward yourself improves your decision making by allowing you to forgive yourself for mistakes and accept your flaws. In fact, studies have demonstrated that people trained in self-compassion meditation are more likely to demonstrate healthy behavior, such as quitting smoking or eating healthier. Likewise, being compassionate toward others actually helps you to become a more fulfilled person.
24 January, 2020 08:39 Share
You don’t need to lose your edge or become a pushover when you tame your ego.
In fact, according to professor Jon Kabat-Zinn, practicing mindfulness actually makes you more creative and more productive, as it clears your mind of unhelpful assumptions and routines, thus making space for new ideas and thoughts.
24 January, 2020 08:41 Share
During a ten-day meditation retreat, the author was flooded with ideas with which he filled entire notebooks. He was more productive in this time of peace and mindfulness than normally, when his mind is cluttered and chaotic. Interestingly, one of the most important discoveries that the author made on his journey to tame his ego was that high levels of stress or the need for competition weren’t necessary to fuel his drive.
24 January, 2020 08:41 Share
Meditation is a simple way to increase mindfulness and compassion in everyday life.
Mindfulness gives us a fourth option: we observe without judgment. Your first experience with mindfulness during meditation often happens when you experience some sort of uncomfortable situation, like an itchy nose or sore legs. In these cases, you simply observe the pain with impartiality and without reacting or moving. Eventually, you’ll be able to apply mindfulness to more complex discomforts: your thoughts and emotions.
24 January, 2020 08:43 Share
Meditation does a body good, helping curb the effects of stress and even disease.
Finally, meditation allows you to sculpt the one tool you have for perceiving and experiencing the world: your brain. Indeed, studies have shown that training your brain through meditation can improve your resilience, impulse control and your overall level of well-being.
24 January, 2020 08:44 Share
Accept your negative emotions, then separate yourself from them through non-identification.
Psychotherapist and Buddhist teacher Tara Brach suggests that you simply acknowledge your negative feelings – that is, admit that you’re experiencing them, rather than deny them. The Buddhists teach that we should "let go," but what they really mean, is "let it be." Instead of denying "ugly" characteristics or negative feelings, just let them be without judging yourself for having them. Another Buddhist saying is that "the only way out is through." Imagine those negative feelings as a immense wave coming right toward you. The best way not to drown is to dive into the wave, thus causing it to lose its power.
24 January, 2020 08:44 Share
The author practiced this when he was concerned about a promotion. First, he recognized that he was worried. Next, he convinced himself that it was okay to be worried. Then he investigated how his body was handling the worry; he felt a buzzing in his chest. And finally, he practiced non-identification, telling himself that he is bigger than his momentary concerns and that the moment would pass.
24 January, 2020 08:45 Share
About the book:
10% Happier demystifies the ancient art of meditation by explaining recent, cutting-edge scientific research into how meditation affects your body and mind. Importantly, it shows you just how valuable meditation can be in coping with the chaos and stress of modern life.
About the author:
Dan Harris is a news anchor for several American television programs, including Nightline and ABC News. He has reported the news from all over the globe, covering wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, and is a recipient of numerous honors and awards for journalism.
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