Better's Blinkist

Givers are driven by the desire to help others and create success for the group.

The keystone trait of the giver is that in most transactions they give far more than they get. They are generous with their knowledge and time, and they will often forgo personal credit for the good of a common goal. Their main focus is to provide value for others; having their help reciprocated is either irrelevant or a bonus. The way givers see it, helping other people is its own reward as it makes the givers themselves feel good too.

30 December, 2019 23:34 Share

Somewhere in between givers and takers, matchers strive for equal, fair exchanges with others.

To matchers, the world should be a level playing field where people exchange knowledge, skills and resources equally. Matchers are uncomfortable when exchanges are unbalanced, so if they help someone, they expect reciprocation or else they feel disgruntled. This works both ways, however: if a matcher receives a favor, they will feel obliged to promptly return it. This desire for reciprocity also means that if a matcher offers to help someone, there is usually an agenda to "cash in" the favor later, which they believe is entirely justified. Because matching seems fair to most people, the majority of us are in fact matchers. Matching is a logical way to deal with others, especially in the workplace where matchers will help themselves and their colleagues by trading skills and expertise. Matching is also the most common interaction style on websites such as Craigslist, where users exchange goods, money and services in an equal fashion.

8 July, 2019 10:56 Share

How much we give or take is shaped by who we interact with.

, it is likely that both you and those around you considerably shape their behavior according to who they are with – without even realizing it.

8 July, 2019 11:29 Share

Persistent takers lose respect and damage their reputations.

Common knowledge insists that to succeed, you must take what you want. However, historical examples show that when people take excessively, they lose respect. When this happens, their reputations sour, endangering their further chances of success as others no longer wish to interact with them

8 July, 2019 11:31 Share

During an infamous press conference announcing the achievement, Salk failed to thank those who had worked with him, upsetting his team to the point of tears.

8 July, 2019 11:32 Share

Revered architect Frank Lloyd Wright also had a reputation for excessive taking: He did not pay his apprentices and made them cite his name on all their work. Even more shockingly, when his own son worked for him and requested payment, Wright invoiced him for all the living costs he had accrued as his son. One of Wright’s clients even stated that he preferred hiring his apprentices rather than Wright himself due to his disregard for those who worked with him – thus costing Wright business.

8 July, 2019 11:33 Share

Taker tax involves spreading the word of a taker’s bad behavior, which in turn damages their reputation – a common method people use to punish takers.

8 July, 2019 11:33 Share

Persistent takers lose respect and damage their reputations.

8 July, 2019 11:34 Share

Some claim it was his failure to acknowledge others that contributed to him not being considered for these honors.

30 December, 2019 23:41 Share

Givers often achieve the top positions in society because they focus on the greater good.

Many believe that when it comes to achieving professional success, taking is more effective than giving. This is particularly true in traditionally cutthroat professions like business and politics. Interestingly though, it turns out givers often succeed in such environments, as their interest in helping others benefits them too.

8 July, 2019 11:46 Share

Givers take interest in the greater good. Because of this, they can rise to the top, achieving powerful and influential positions.

8 July, 2019 11:47 Share

Successful givers cultivate and use their vast networks to benefit others as well as themselves.

But Rifkin’s keen interest in helping others through building networks also benefitted himself. Because he’s so highly regarded for his generosity, he was easily able to get advice for a new company he wanted to start from Excite co-founder Graham Spencer – someone he hadn’t seen in 5 years. This is a typical benefit for givers: when they need help from even a seemingly dormant network, re-connecting is easy because the other party knows the giver isn’t after reciprocation or selfish benefits.

8 July, 2019 11:48 Share

Successful givers cultivate and use their vast networks to benefit others as well as themselves.

8 July, 2019 11:48 Share

Givers see potential in everyone they meet, making them formidable at finding and nurturing talent.

Renowned NBA basketball manager Stu Inman provides an interesting illustration of a successful giver in the way he chose players for his teams. Although Inman passed up on some basketball legends including Michael Jordan, he found massive success in drafting the previously overlooked Clyde Drexler, who later made the Basketball Hall of Fame, ten All-Star teams and the Olympics. Inman was deeply respected for his ability to find undervalued players and for his dedication to those he helped develop.

8 July, 2019 11:49 Share

By recognizing the greatness in everyone, givers provide fertile ground for the success of others, which also creates success for the giver. Givers see potential in everyone they meet, making them formidable at finding and nurturing talent.

8 July, 2019 11:50 Share

Powerless communication puts givers at a powerful advantage.

Powerless communication involves focusing on the other person; for example, by seeking advice and asking questions. Rather than being domineering, which evokes resistance, this softer approach has a remarkably persuasive effect. This technique comes easily to givers, as they are naturally interested in others.

8 July, 2019 11:50 Share

For example, optician Kildare Escoto differs from most salespeople in that rather than pitching a sale, he asks customers about their needs and lifestyle. Asking questions instills trust in customers and enables him to better serve them. As a result, Escoto is LensCrafters’ number one giver and salesperson.

8 July, 2019 11:51 Share

Annie sought advice from her HR manager, asking, "What would you do?" Annie was a valued employee, and this powerless approach resulted in her gaining unlimited access to the company’s private jet so she could transfer to the new location while still studying at the old location.

8 July, 2019 11:52 Share

Powerless communication can be extremely advantageous. Rather than forcing demands on others, this classic giver approach persuades others to be more receptive to us.

8 July, 2019 11:52 Share

Givers are only successful if they can avoid burnout or being abused by takers.

Surprisingly, recent investigations show that the remedy for burnout lies not in reducing the hours spent helping others but in being able to witness the impact they have.

8 July, 2019 11:52 Share

In addition to burnout, givers can feel "walked over" by takers who abuse their generosity, hence the term "doormat". To avoid this, givers must find a strategy that allows them to indulge their instinct to give but also protects them from abuse. Mathematical biology identifies such an interaction strategy as generous tit for tat. That is, "never forget a good turn but occasionally forgive a bad one." In practice this means givers match takers’ behavior most of the time, yet indulge their own generous disposition by offering the takers the occasional kind gesture. This provides givers with a sense of control while encouraging positive behavior in others in response to their kindness.

8 July, 2019 11:54 Share